Husk

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//I have been meaning to write but kept delaying it//

 

I smell something gross or the smell is just monotonous, hence, irritating.

My limbs have lost all their energy.

I am drugged and I feel like sleeping all the time.

I purchase colourful clothes,

But I like my bedroom walls painted

In grey or beige or white.

I don’t like sleeping

Because every time I sleep, I dream.

In mornings, in the afternoon or at night.

I don’t hate dreaming but I hate being woken up in the middle of it.

Incomplete dreams are pain in the ass.

They don’t leave me.

 

//Thoughts blocked. Maybe, some other time//

 

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The Radiance

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Easy, beautiful and psychotic.

I have this image of you free falling,

Going deeper

In your mind.

Your pretty face, hermosa mujer.

What is it hiding?

I like your nose.

More than the nose, I like how you crinkle it

You think it gives definition to your face

And yes, it does.

I have to gaze away from you,

At times.

Your face is very lascivious.

If you wanna be seated on my lap

For a longer while.

You know, you can.

I like you here.

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So let’s not talk about the very obvious

Surreal face and body that you have.

Tell me.

Where exactly do you want to be right now?

And

Are you really different than all the girls I know?

I can draw a perfect differentiation between you

And everyone else, you freak

But I hope I am not delusional.

Who the fuck cares even if I am?

You are not a normal girl.

You are a delusion.

Everyone else is normal but you aren’t.

I haven’t cared much about how this world works

Simply because “working” has never amused me

But have you seen a creation

or the nature working?

Ever so artistically and horrifically,

Your mind is no less.

No less than that.

Shall we take a tour someday?

Through that head, of yours.

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I want to take you on a holiday.

We can sit on the sand,

By the beach on a sunny day

With my head resting on your lap

And you

Will recite all the dark stories

You have in your head

I like visualizing those.

Way more than I should.

I am lazy or I’d have written a lot more.

I won’t say that I love you

Not because I don’t but because you don’t know what love is

Not completely, not yet.

LOOP

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Lovers found and lovers lost.

Kisses shared and kisses that you forgot.

You wanted to keep her but you can’t.

You didn’t want to forget him, but you did.

The flame that you are burning in

For you can’t claim her and you can’t claim him.

You stab their existence,

And it’s your sadness that bleeds.

All these songs and the flowers in your backyard.

Once beautiful, now are charred records

Figments of your soul,

Travelling to other universes,

With the one forgotten and the one you are forgotten by.

Are we ever to cross paths?

Yes, in your mind and vision for the days to come.

She will still be in your dreams,

But she will appear to you only as the faded and the dirty picture hanging by the wall.

And for a new face you’d fall.

Lovers found and lovers lost.

You may not find someone like him,

She may not smell like her.

But when the time comes

You will bend your elastic heart

And don’t worry, you will adjust.

There is a universe, you like to think

Where there is a world for you and him

There still is, but what is hers is not yours.

And what is his is not yours.

What is not yours is not yours.

Would you do me a favour?

Just take care.

What you are looking for is not lost.

Its right here

And it’s right there.

Jazz

Sturdily always playing in my mind like a trumpet
Giving me sonic heartbeats

I sway in my own arms or in someone else’s

Intentionally perforating your presence in them

I give in after a while

No, it’s not you.

You.

You’re jazz and everything else is blizzard.

But you slip out like the tunes that make my hair dance

Like my play list, like the changing songs

Slow, raging, steady, headfast

I place my fingers one after another

In the haze somewhere tapping the fingertips of yours.

Then I sway again, now on the patio out of their grip and mine

Welcoming you with the wind to seep in my skin.

Stay for a while, in the comforts of my bosom and the excruciating warmth

You have a long journey ahead to forge

I’m just obliged that you’re the jazz

Forsaking me ever so happy, ever so glad.